Friday, May 8, 2015

The Sweet Life.


So sweet. Sometimes bitter.

So emotionally scattered. And so completely wonderful.

I'm sad for my absence on this personal little blog of my mine, really since Adaline's birth. Or actually, more since I hopped on the entrepreneur train and started a business with a two year old and a two month old at home. There have been so many times I've desperately wanted to listen to my begging spirit and write about all that's going on. But instead, I pour my energy and creativity into the rest of my day, leaving my brain vacant and incoherent after the girls go to bed.

Life has been busy. And exciting. And incredibly sweet. And hard. But I'm not even sure I could begin to explain all that's gone on in the last six months. SIX MONTHS. I just can't even believe how quickly the span of months flies by.

The few times I have stopped, if even for a moment, I've felt such raw sadness at the passing of time. Like I haven't fully captured every adorably mispronounced word spoken by Lyla or the way Adaline gazes intently and reaches out for our faces. I can't help but feel that I'm living to check off the to-dos, lost in the whirlwind of schedules and meetings and laundry and feedings. But life keeps going, regardless of the fact that I'd like it to pause. It's busy for us, and everyone else I know, and doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

But this time period has also been so very sweet. I've never in my life been so sure of a decision, with me getting to stay home with the girls. I'm living a dream I never knew existed in my heart - so grateful to be home, while also building a business and relationships in a community I've grown to love so much.  

I'm thankful for so many things that staying home has given me.

Our slow-to-rise mornings, that ironically begin before 6 am. Lyla's eagerness for breakfast immediately upon waking. Her desire to help make my morning coffee {but only after demanding to sit on the counter, while checking her and Adaline's seedlings we planted in pots on the windowsill.} Staring at Adaline while she takes her morning nap, kissing her and taking in that sweet baby scent that I never want to forget. Listening to the girls play while Lyla talks in her best "mommy voice", telling Addie to be careful and good job rolling over. Getting the out of nowhere I wuv you, Mommy and Hug me Mommy. Receiving the reassuring baby smiles that let me know I am everything to my babes. Toting my baby buddy with me to meetings and coffee dates and bible study.

I try to remember those moments over the 20 minute maddening where's-your-other-shoe hunts when we're running 20 minutes late. Or the dead-weight, drop to the floor like a wet noodle tantrums. Or when both girls are crying hysterically, which then makes me cry hysterically (at least on the inside).

Another something that has made my heart so full lately is the time spent with my mom, the girls' Grams. This quality time has been so precious as it's something we rarely got when I was growing up, due to never-ending work demands. But, we've been making up for lost time, and it's been so special to see the bond forming between my mom and the girls. Lyla runs around in circles, and yells throughout the house "GRAMS IS HERE" the moment she sees her car pulling up in the driveway, knowing that it's time for Monday morning story time. They run errands together, eat lunch together and Lyla always comes home to tell me all the people she prayed for with Grams.

So getting the completely unexpected and heartbreaking call that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last week shook me to my core. Gabe was out of town, and the only other person I wanted to talk to was my mom. Which didn't seem quite right, so I really just held myself together during the day, only to surrender to my emotions at night after the girls were asleep.

My mom has cancer. And we're in that incredibly frustrating phase of tests and waiting for results. Weighing pros and cons of all options and praying for guidance and strength. Hopeful for a strong, healthy life with family and grandkids.

But that doesn't make it any less scary. It's been hard. And an unwelcome interruption in this sweet time of life.

But life is life. And it has a mind of its own.

So here we are, juggling and balancing, leaning on faith and each other, and enjoying all of our moments.

Because every moment with the people I love is a treasure. And this life is sweet and one I'm so very thankful to be living.